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kwytzz

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drifting [Feb. 14th, 2017|07:18 pm]
kwytzz
Feeling the cold..through my bones..the whole day...im back at square 1...nothing change...i prayed so hard... letting all of it with HIM...He takes control...Im missing the part where I have to let go and trust Him.
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out loud [Mar. 25th, 2016|09:42 am]
kwytzz
It was really sweet Feb 17th. The man i have had feelings for finally said we should give relationship a try. I was speechless! I spent most of my weeknights with him talking online. video chatting. I was in cloud9.

Im still talking to him but he seem drifting apart. I have a gut feeling that he is talking to his ex more than to me now but i just couldnt accept it. Somehow im envious because they had chance to be together before. Im scared because im falling in love with him all over again. I cried everytime that thought enters my mind. I could not feel any guarantee that he will have feelings for me. But still here i am, feeling lonely. Checking on him waiting for his reply for my long messages. I should be getting this, since he does not reply often now than he used to.

Jake...there are so many things i wanna tell you.
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Readzoned [Feb. 11th, 2016|06:13 pm]
kwytzz
The thing about sorting my own demons is I always become stranger to people I thought I knew as my friends. People would judge me and how I act but i guess thats just how it is. The end of the day I have to win my own battles and the hell they care if i lose. I am reminded not to think of what other people would say as they dont really know me. It is just sad but oh well too much hypocracy will eat you alive. Moving on.
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miracle [May. 24th, 2015|02:44 pm]
kwytzz
Oo, nagpakatanga na naman ako. Inaamin ko naman na may nararamdaman pa ako para sa kanya. He tested me, bumigay ako. Mabait talaga si Lord sakin kasi binigyan nya pa ako ng isang chance. Napaiyak ako. Ayoko nang pahirapan ang sarili ko para sa kanya. Narealized ko na kahit anong mangyari sakin, wala syang pakialam. I deserve better.
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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2015|09:15 pm]
kwytzz
Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na tama. Tatanga tanga lang ako na umaasa na maibabalik ko pa sya. Niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko na kahit kaunti baka iniisip nya pa ako. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na mahal na mahal ko pero niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko kasi pinagpalit nya na ako. Wala na syang pakiaalam sakin. Ang sakit kahit anung pilit ko iconvince ang sarili ko na tama na ang sakit sakit pa din. Ayoko nang umiyak.
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Myself talking [Feb. 10th, 2015|07:29 pm]
kwytzz
Ganito pala masaktan ng sobra, yung gusto mo nalang mamatay at hindi mo na maisip ang bukas. Ang sakit pag pinagpalit ka na ng taong wala ka naman ibang ibinigay kung hindi yung pag mamahal mo lang. Yung sakit na hindi mawala wala kahit iiyak mo ng isang daan beses. Idasal mo ng milyong beses. Itulog mo, kinabukasan masakit pa din.

Tinatanong ko sa sarili ko, bakit ako napunta sa estado na ito. Wala naman din akong hinaharap sa kanya. Wala naman syang pagmamahal sakin, ninatarantado nya na ako. Pero bakit ipinipilit ko pa din ang sarili ko? Bakit? Takot akong maiwan, mareject? E narereject naman ako dati.

Ang sakit sakit.Daig ko pa napadel sa sakit. Kahit isigaw ko yung sakit, hindi mawala. Yung luha ko, bigla nalang natulo. Napapagod na ako sa sarili ko, pero ayaw pa din.

Alam ko na naman na wala na syang pakialam sa kin kc tapos na yung oras ko. Iba naman daw. Katulad ngayon, alam ko naman na kasama nya yung babae sa bahay nya. Nasasaktan pa din ako.

Sabi ko Lord, tama na naman. Patigilin mo na ung puso at isip ko na mag isip at masugatan. Napapagod na ako eh. E si Lord, natatawa na sakin, pero nagmamakaawa pa din ako kasi hirap na ako.
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emotions [Dec. 26th, 2014|05:04 pm]
kwytzz
I have been crying, I dont know what to think anymore. I dont want to cry but my tears keeps on flowing. I want to scream so loud and wanting him to hear me curse. If there is such a word to call a person for taking all the bullshit she didnt deserve that would probably by nickname.
Why? I ask myself. Ive been cheated to, lied to for so many times. Why I am bearing the pain and being hard on myself. Why I am putting with all of his lies, alibis? I dont want to love him anymore. Im so tired of crying.. I know he is fucking someone right now.. and yet im still here, waiting for him.. What kind of life i have been living in?
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Circles [Dec. 5th, 2014|09:31 pm]
kwytzz

My love is pouring out at the moment...to the person that would never be mine.my mind is fucking with me at the moment as i can sense there is something going on again.i wanted to break but im a slave.he caught me by the neck. I dont want to fight anymore.

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nothingness [Nov. 17th, 2014|12:42 pm]
kwytzz

my mind is drifting...what have i done wrong to be treated as shit, verbally abused when all i did is to love and serve him...

I cant help but cry everytime i think about how i threw my ego and pride away and kneeling asking his forgiveness and second chance.

I guess there is no more second chance, he fucked someone else, flirted with someone else and he is using this little thing i did to make me go away. he doesnt want to be touched and would mumble cursing me while i was crying for his forgiveness.

I feel nothing now.. i just want to cry till my eyes puff out that i have no more tears to shed.

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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2014|11:19 pm]
kwytzz
Fuck you!!!!!!tangina!tangina talagaa!tangina mo!i dont fucking deserve this!why im fucking fuck!tangina talga!!!tangina nya!tanginaaaaaaaaaaa!gusto kong sumigaw!!!!tangina naaaa!
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